Doubt (Levi Ackerman X Insecure!Reader)

Author's Note: I'm not really sure when this would take place, probably before the 57th Expedition, but after Armin, Mikasa, and their group join the Survey Corps. 

You didn’t want to be the way you were, but you couldn’t help it. In your mind, all the girls in the Survey Corps were better than you. They were quicker, they were more effective, they had killed more Titans, they were braver, and they were prettier.

You were just sort of there, you weren’t ridiculously unattractive, but you weren’t beautiful and deadly like Mikasa, or adorable and sweet like Petra.

And yet somehow, Levi had picked you.

You still weren’t sure how it happened exactly, sure, you had thought that he was attractive and a good leader, but you had never thought he’d notice you. You weren’t special, you weren’t unique, you were completely ordinary.

One day you didn’t really have anything to do, so you just stayed inside your room, thinking. And then you got to thinking about your parents and your sisters and your friends, and how none of them had made it when the wall at Shiganshina fell. Before you knew it, you were sobbing.

You tried to stop, you didn’t need someone to come in and think that you were even weaker than you were, but you just couldn’t. They were dead and you were alive, and it wasn’t fucking fair.

Titans had killed them, Titans had taken them away from you, Titans had left you all alone.

And then of course, Captain Levi had come in.

You got off your bed immediately, wiping your eyes with your sleeve and saluting him.

Levi actually looked sort of surprised to see you crying and he waved your salute away before he spoke.

“Are you okay?”

The question caught you off guard, you thought he’d just tell you to stop crying and then continue on with whatever he had come in for in the first place, but he sounded sincere.

“I’m…I’m fine. Just a little sad.”

“Who did you lose? Before you came here, that is.”

You laughed bitterly, rubbing your sleeve against your eyes and wiping away the remaining tears.

“Everyone. My parents, my sisters, all my friends, none of them made it. Why did I get to survive? I’m no better than them. Hell, at least they would’ve been able to kill a Titan, I can’t even do that. Anyone of them would’ve been better off surviving, but no, I’m the only one that fucking survived.” You spoke quickly, tears filling your eyes again, but this time they were out of frustration and anger.

“Have you ever had an opportunity to kill a Titan?”

“Actually…no. Not since I was trained. But-“

“Then how do you know you can’t kill a Titan?” Levi cut you off, grey eyes piercing into you.

“I…I actually don’t know. I just assumed that since almost everyone else has killed a Titan and I haven’t, that I won’t be able to.” You said with a shrug, raising an eyebrow as Levi sighed.

“Do you really have so little confidence in yourself? Killing a Titan is hard, yes, but you’ve been training for this for three years. When the time comes, you’ll be able to do it.”

“But what if I can’t? I’m not as strong or as fast as you or Mikasa, I don’t have much experience, what if-“

Levi sighed again before pressing his lips to yours, effectively interrupting and silencing you.

“You talk too much.” Levi said when he pulled away, noting appreciatively that your cheeks were bright pink. “If you do happen to be unable to kill it, then I’ll be there to help.”

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Ever since then, you were dating. At least, what Levi considered dating. It mainly consisted of Levi refusing to let you go on any missions that were too dangerous, and then not talking to you about them, even though you knew that the missions really did bother him.

Seeing people get eaten, seeing them get killed and crushed and smashed, took its toll on him.

Sometimes, he had nightmares.

And there was whimpering and thrashing and it broke your heart every single time, because he always tried to be strong and not show his emotions, but he was still a person and he still had them.

“Shhh, shh.” You whispered soothingly, stroking his hair as he flailed around. “I’m not a Titan, you’re safe, I promise.” Slowly, Levi stopped flailing, his heartbeat evening back out and his body relaxing. You watched him, sighing sadly. You wished that you lived in a different world, one where humans weren’t at the mercy of Titans.

You snuggled against him, smiling against his chest as his arm wrapped around you.

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“Why are you with me?” You asked softly one morning as Levi was getting dressed. Levi looked over at you, raising his eyebrow at you curiously. “I mean, it’s just, you could do so much better. I still haven’t killed a Titan and I’m absolutely terrified of them, I’m not brave or fast or-“

“Do you still doubt yourself? __y/n__, I don’t care if you haven’t killed a Titan. I don’t care if you’re afraid of them, hell, I am too. You joined the Survey Corps, didn’t you? That took bravery. How can you say you’re not fast? You were almost at the top of your class in training and you excelled in all the practices. Why can’t you just see that you’re amazing me to me?”

You didn’t say anything, you knew that Levi wouldn’t lie, but you still didn’t believe him.

Levi sat on the bed next to you, hands cradling your head as he kissed you.

“I love you, regardless of your ‘faults’.” Levi used his fingers to make air quotations, and you couldn’t fight the blush that found its way to your cheeks.

“I love you so much.” You said, flinging your arms around his neck.

Maybe, just maybe, with Levi’s help, you could get over your self-confidence issues.

But for now, you’d just be happy that you had him.

End.  <3